[m i a o w] the cat

Squash It All In

Our good friends PGR & Al were a welcome addition to our household - but it was for such a Short Time! On the morning after the UFO noise everyone but me headed out (without breakfast) on a fishing expedition, which ended up including a bollocking from the facist at the end of the street, who in turn was bollocked on a royal scale by ShutUpAndStopIt and his mate from next door. Fifteen bream were caught, Al almost got friendly with a shark and filled her gumboots (my gumboots actually) ...with water. They all came home beside themselves with excitement, and we had bream cooked over the fire for breakfast - except for Al who is anti-fish - she just likes to catch them.

We headed out at about noon in a little boat borrowed from M's brother-in-law. It was all v.exciting - we stopped on an island and I played photographer while everyone went for a swim.

Then we took off again with our little 20hp Chrysler and after cruising around for a while, we dropped anchor and began fishing. It was fish city out there! Al and I caught lots of undersize ones, M did not too badly, but PGR was crowned Fish Man for catching a mofo snapper. We came to the conclusion that we should have taken a 'What Fish Is That?' book with us, as we ended up returning a lot to the sea because we didn't know what the hell they were.

We hauled the boat out and headed home in time for M and the guests to go and check the crab pots. No joy. But mudcrabs on top of all the fish we had for dinner might have just pushed the excitement level that bit too far. I wrapped up all the fish in foil with garlic, rosemary, butter, onion and lemon and also some potato and sweet potato. We chucked them all on the fire and had a few drinks until deciding they were ready. After dinner (I can't believe how much we squashed into this day) we decided more wine was in order, and that the absence of any marshmallows could no longer be borne. It was v.luxurious to be driven into town by PGR in the hire car - we haven't been able to venture out after dark for months, as the van headlights are notoriously unreliable.

Back around the fire we polished off the marshmallows and the wine; then M and I made the house guests watch the South Park episode we love, 'Cat Orgy' and then forced them to watch our Super 8 film of the great flood of the garden that happened back in February. Then we finally let them go to bed. A grand day out!

Hostly Hostly

Last night we had people we had never previously met come for dinner and stay over. We are feeling very hostly. The female half of the couple in question is my sisters boyfriend's sister. We had a lot of fun, despite our lack of preparation (i.e. one teabag, no treats, no beer). They made us crepes on our little camp stove. Lemon and sugar.

I Don't Like Coughee

I have a curious disease in which I cough spasmodically late at night and early in the morning. In between these times I vacillate between totally vagued out and pretend normalcy. So I just bought some LemSip cough mixture that smells like low grade disinfectant, which I am hoping will provide an instant cure. The past few days have been spent packing up all the stuff in M's mothers house. I have managed to subdue M to the point where he only refers to his mother as 'Old Manky' when not in her immediate presence. This is a good thing. But it has left me pondering Mank.

A curiously expressive word. Indeed, I have been, as I said, pondering its heritage. I can only conclude that it's a collision of mould and stank, however I remained slightly stymied as stank is obviously a past-tense word, i.e.
"Her refrigerator stank."
But mank is an obvious improvement on stank as it can be applied in both the present and the past tenses.
"Her refrigerator is mank."
"Her refrigerator was mank."
(...and it has even more flexibility, as in both of the previous statements, the letter 'y' could have been added to make mank into manky and the meaning would have stayed the same.)

Besides being breathless with awe at all the ways M manages to weave the word mank into daily life, I am intrigued by its very existence. I do recall a friend of mine using it back when I was in about Year 8. I googled mank and ended up with lots of references to mankkind, but on googling manky, I found this. Does anyone else use mank? It's not listed in WordMap - but then again, it's probably not a regionalism.

Mess

So my mum has been gone since Friday morning. This is good. I have the place to myself. But what I don't understand is how she keeps it sooooo tidy?! I look around me and strewn across the bench are vitamins, a half drunk bottle of water, an unopened bottle of wine, empty juice bottle, brown sugar, chai syrup, her notes to me (...the rubbish goes out on Tuesday night, remember to bring the bin in when you get home on Wednesday, if you have to use my car, make sure you use leaded petrol, water the plants, close the curtains...remember to turn the heating off....), then there's this weeks and last weeks Green Guide, my work bag, shoes...the list goes on. I must remember. Constant vigilance! De-messify!

Am going out to play some music with Chris and Mung later on, and decided that I must wash my jeans before I wore them again. So now, whenever I glance to my right, it looks very much like someone has dived head first down the heating vent in the floor. I've spread the waist of my jeans around the vent and the legs are sticking up, filled with hot air, supported by the back of a chair. Creepy. Oh. And just for pointers? Don't read a blow by blow description of the Columbine shootings in (that quite astonishingy crappy) GQ magazine that someone gave you because it's got an interview with Frank Black/Black Francis in it. You will then drift uneasily in and out of sleep, trying to work out three failproof escape routes from your bedroom. Not good for the eye bags that you stayed home last night to try and banish.

Mingling with the Masses

So on Friday night I was in bed by 9pm and stayed in my PJs until midday Saturday. That night I tried to drink Mr Honeybone under the table. Failed. Slept on their floor. Got up, took the tram into Flinders Street and for the first time since high school I got the train to Camberwell Market. Pillaged it for clothes that I will only be able to wear in temperatures of 24 degrees and above. (Feminine practicality and my headache at work.) Got two old books in the hope that they will be highly collectable and I will never have to work again. (General impracticality and my powerball dream in a different guise). Headed back to the city. Marched down Swanston Street in support of World Environment Day and Tasmania's forests. Hopped on the train and a tram to Jocks and got Butterfish with Chili & Lemon Zest Marinade with Pumpkin & Broccoli Salad for my efforts *yum* (the dinner completely deserved all those capital letters I just gave it). And then got a lift all the way to Hampton. So that was my weekend. Lots of public transportation!

Superseded

I travelled all the way from Hervey Bay to stay in another, almost equally unexciting place starting with the letter 'H'. Hampton. I can walk to the beach from here too, but I won't, due to my lack of beach footwear and clothes. Although I'm sure it might entertain the locals to see me striding across the bike track, down the path and on to the sand in my leather boots with heels, I feel I must deny them that pleasure. Having Ellise as my two-houses-away neighbour is a big plus that home doesn't have - as well as a 'Curry in a Hurry' within walking distance.

I am successfully waging my own puny war against the price hike in public transport tickets that I noticed had happened last time I was here. I am one station out of Zone 1, which means that for the sublime experience of staying on the train in the dark for the two minutes that it takes to go from Brighton Beach (Zone 1) to Hampton (Zone 2) I have to pay $3.60: a $9.40 daily ticket instead of a $5.80 ticket. Crud. I have weighed my options and decided that I'm least likely to get caught if I buy a Zone 1/2 two hour ticket ($5) in the morning (in case the scary ticket inspectors have decided to ride the train from Sandringham) and then get a two hour Zone 1 ticket ($3) on the way home. That way I'm cheating this bloody government that I helped vote in (who have not done a great deal of good) out of $1.40 a day. It's the least I can do. Read Diary of an Average Australian for a story about transport and what can be achieved by a bit of well-aimed agitation/media manipulation. It improved my Friday morning.

/..break for computer fumbling/...
The title of 'Superseded' relates to my horrified discovery that my mother has just got a better laptop than me. And not just any better laptop. Her laptop is the next model ThinkPad - the R50 - the precise one that came after mine. It's demeaning, to say the least. So naturally I have now configured it to connect to my ISP (she only uses it to type up the schooll reports of small, swattable children called Niamh, Blake and Jackson). Of course this post was immediately disturbed half way by the lovely lsass virus that I somehow managed to get within five minutes of logging on. D'oh. Luckily I've been through this before and downloaded the little stinger.exe app to kill it off. Phew - and she's still not home from yoga.

Expired

That would be me. Expiring. Headed to the end of the street at lunchtime and emerged and hour and a half later:
Me - a whiting and a bream
Him - a mofo bream
Extra exciting was the turtle I saw swimming along the edge of the rocks. It had barnacles on its back and the whole real live not-in-captivity turtle thing going on. Delovely.

Then I came back home and instead of getting work done I went into slow meltdown mode over our finances, which aren't exactly robust at the best of times, but as it's now one year since we bought the house, everything needs renewing (though why the car registration had to appear now is beyond me - it seems somewhat overly harsh on the part of fate). Argh. Money money money money. Crud crud crud crud. As long as I have enough for this, I'll almost cope. We are v.close to getting some back that the bank witheld from us at the beginning; just have to put powerpoints in the kitchen, rewire a couple of lights and fix the greasetrap *yawn* Am medicating myself with saladas and cheese - the Puppybird is finely attuned to anything cheese related, so I medicated him too. He now eats in the back room where other evil little bastard birds can't peck him on the head.

Rain

It's one of those on again/off again days, where it could rain at any minute. Right now it's decided to come down. Earlier we went fishing and I caught three big bream - and M caught one that was too whippy for me to pull in with the handline - he seems to be coping fairly well with my fish prowess, but I sense he may shortly tire of being my fish caddy. Because we had forgotten to take some books to read, or some of the many Earth Garden back issues I got from the library sale, we were forced entertain ourselves by making up words to describe the feeling of having a fully baited hook untouched by prospective piscine protagonists as mullet leap freely in the air all around us. We have:

Wild Wild Life

Every day there are so many freaky kinds of birds, huge bugs, odd spiders and countless sucidal moths that I am occasionally overwhelmed at the cheap showiness of nature. Particularly since I spent about four hours cleaning the house yesterday - vaccing, mopping, excavating the bathroom and kitchen - only to wake up this morning and find bits of dead moth on the floor and providing delightful table top decoration. Some die in upright position, so it's hard to tell if they've carked it or are just ruminating. It's never bloody ending. Cockatoos, galahs, ibis, puppybird, weird cricket things bigger than your average sized book, kangaroos, ducks - and all these are either in or wandering around our acre! (Note to self: make a [miaow] wildlife page to shock and awe cyber tourists.)

My boss is on leave, so yesterday I became even more easily tempted away from my computer than usual - and as I could (and still can) hear M working so hard outside on the new front steps I thought I would shock him rigid by displaying some domesticity. I even cooked Chicken Vindaloo for dinner (with a little bit of improvising, now I've tested the waters with the muffins). It was supposed to be 'medium' hotness and M ate it looking beatific, while I punctuated each mouthful with slugs of water and vastly unattractive nose wiping. Afterwards I felt cleansed. Singed, but cleansed. Am not sure what M felt, as he had to leave the room.

Oh. Anyone looking for a cool search tool could do worse than try GGSearch. I downloaded it this morning and am finding it v.useful. It means I can get rid of the search toolbar in Opera that I always forget to use anyway. I loike it.

Elastoplast + Dead Man PJs

Yesterday at the Tip Recycle Shop, M found some apparently excellent wood. In putting it in the van, a large lump of last weekends excellent wood discovery fell on his toe. It doesn't seem to be broken, but looks like a sad pork sausage. It got cut as well, so he has been diligently taping it with elastoplast to keep it clean and make his shoes bearable. Today we headed, at 8am, to the market to buy cheap vegies to get us through the week. Also on the list were some flannel pjs for M, who has finally started to feel the cold that has been taunting me since my return. Only about five stalls inside the gates were some wondrous flannel pjs.
"I'm six foot two," said M proudly to the older woman whose stall it was, "d'you think they'll fit me?"
"How tall was he?" I asked at the same time, slightly less diplomatically.
"Oh, he was six foot two as well," she said, "they should fit you."
M held a pair up to himself. They looked like they might fit. The woman seized the moment.
"Tell you what, I'll give you the three pairs for five dollars."
M beamed and examined himself while holding up another pair, thus missing the end of her sentence..."I just don't want to take them home."
She gave me a look that said either my-husband-of-forty-years-died-last-month-and-selling-his-clothes-makes-me-want-to-die-too or my-husband-of-forty-years-left-me-last-month-for-the-slapper-we-met-in-the-caravan-park-at -Woy Woy-and-I-sold-everything-else-of-his-at-last-weeks-market-but-these-were-in-the-wash-at-the-time. I looked at her. I think it was the former. I was brisk.
"Grab them," I instructed M, "they were on our shopping list."
So, upon leaving the market with vegies, sailing books, Patrick White's biography, some discs for the grinder and some passionfruit, we had three pairs of tall blokes flannel pajamas.

A few minutes ago, M, who had completed his toe elastoplasting before retiring, came to say goodnight (I am ensconced in the lounge chair writing a website review due yesterday). As he lent over me, I sweetly requested that he remove the half a dozen or so old elastoplasts that were clugged together in the chest pocket of his new pjs. He looked down at them, looked at his toe and turned a pale puce.
"They're not mine."
I started to laugh hysterically, making all the crickets stop.
M started doing a small dance of horror.
"Get them out, take them out, get them out!"
I gurgled.
"They're dead-man band aids. You've got dead-man band aids in your pocket! Euhyewwwww!"
M ran from the room, divesting himself of the now tainted pajama top, reappearing, moments later, in different, but elastoplast free, dead-man flannel.
"I don't feel happy anymore," he stated pathetically, "and anyway, I don't think he died. I think he left her. Definitely."
And then in a smaller voice;
"Do you think she washed them?"

Sickening

I am refusing to succumb to some weirdo cold that, at present, is causing my lips to fall off and my nose to sniffle. This morning M and I witnessed the evils of nature; poor little PuppyBird got pecked on the head by some evil winged foe. He went all dazed and was barely able to peck cheese - and although he seemed to perk up a little, once he flew off we didn't see him for the rest of the day :o( For lunch we headed down to the mangroves with a stubby of Coopers each and ate oysters off the rocks. Mudcrab Count: we had five big females and a couple of undersized males that got a free feed and a walk to freedom.

Tonight is the first seafood free night in about a week - I am going to attempt spaghetti bolognese.

PuppyBird

For the last week I have been singing (to the tune of the They Might Be Giants song Put Your Hand Inside the Puppethead)

Dumpsville: Pop. Me

I have post-travel post-birthday slump. It's a lovely warm day, I've been listening to the Pixies first reformation gig - a fantastic recording from the Fine Line Music Cafe in Minneapolis on the 13th of last month - but I still have a black labrador draped over my much maligned, but genetically unavoidable, non-existent shoulders. To that end I have cleaned the shower of two weeks of mudcrab grime, washed the dishes, wiped down the benches and have searched the internet for Queensland deck-building regulations. Snuffle, says the dog. So I put on some mascara - a surefire way not to let the labrador have total domination. Although I have been wanting to use the line:

[Boy looking at girl with mascara streaked face]
Boy - What's the matter with you?
Girl - Nothing, my mother was a panda.

The post came. A lovely birthday card from my mate in Iowa containing a CD with (among other equally spectacular things) the exact same Pixies gig that I spent last night labouring over typing the track listing...if I'd just waited twelve hours... Of course, just to balance out my glee, the other letter was from the insurance company telling me that I have to give them $700 in less than two weeks. With amazing alacrity I was able to quickly locate last years amount, which was exactly half of what they are now asking. So I called them. Apparently when I was given my original quote the 'computers were down' and so it came in way too cheap, but they honoured it regardless, and I unknowingly saved fifty percent. Too bad that they never told me so I had no idea I would ever have to cough up more than $350 or so. If they hadn't been so accomodating about getting me a new laptop when mine was fried by lightning (after it was stolen, but before the police took it...make sense?) I would take my my business elsewhere (which I'm sure they would find completely demoralising).

Hmmm. I do remember being told a story about a guy who insured his car by calling a different insurance company every two weeks for a year, and so survived for free on covernotes. [Looks thoughtful]

ThirtySomething

Arrived home forty minutes before midnight the night before my birthday, which was my intention. Left London at 2pm on Thursday and flew via Dubai and Singapore to end up in Melbourne 12.30am on Friday night. Slept for the next 11 hours at my sisters place, having been thoughtfully collected by my dad, who deposited me back at the airport at 2.30pm the same day to get a flight to Brisbane. From there I got a five hour train to Maryborough. Am more than glad to be home! M met me at the station, and I prattled at him for the entire 36km home and then an hour or so until I realised he looked more dead than alive. Sleep is good, though still erratic.

Our house is painted! Huzzah! My dad came up to visit M in my absence and despite my belief that they had done little but consume vast amounts of beer and mudcrabs (from the mangroves at the end of the street) they actually painted the whole house twice. A beautiful deep Brunswick Green, the guttering is Indian Red and the windows will be that Regency Cream colour. Not amazingly adventurous, but it looks amazing and very buyer-friendly *sob*

My birthday was low-key, but I was so happy to be home that I wouldn't have minded if all I'd done was drink stubbies of VB on the couch all day. M gave me a v.cool vintage make-up case with a bottle of gin in it, a new Reg Hill book, and some cool Italian sunglasses. Naturally I'd presented him the previous night with a different bottle of gin and a different book from my travels, but that just made it better. (When I was little my grandma used to give the kids whose birthday it wasn't a present as well - something that I'm sure my mother thought ridiculous, but we appreciated it - so M got some faux-birthday joy of his own.)

Unfortunately M's oldest brother is very ill, so that impacted on the day a little, as we had to help out M's mother by going over and taking all the fruit and veg that she couldn't bear leaving to rot. She had to leave yesterday evening with no warning to head down to NSW to see him, so today M and I will be helping out at his sister's business because she's gone down as well. I suspect I will be resurrecting my long buried skill at the cash register and cappuchino machine. Bizarre.

So, what with my birthday being conducted in a haze of jetlag, gin and homecoming happiness, it feels like I never went anywhere at all! I am going to get all my photos done this week so I don't get slack and let them moulder, unseen, on my hard drive. Will also have to write an overview of my whirlwind tour of London, courtesy of my brother, after I have cleaned all the house sanding dust from my desk. Thanks to those people who called and/or sms-ed me. The rest of you can kiss my thirty-one year old butt.

Goodbye Easter

Had an unintentionally excellent Easter break with lots of swimming, walking, beer, wine and gin&tonics. The weather at the moment is to die for, the humidity is back to normal and it's been about 27/28 degrees every day. I am typing now through a haze of four dark chocolate TimTams and may not come across as hugely coherent, but am feeling strangely affirmed: when I google for miaow guess who is top of the list? Me! Yes, I know...small minds - etc. etc.

Another cause for excitement is the fact that my friend Marg has had her first novel (which I - ahem - had the great pleasure of proofreading) accepted for publication by Penguin!

Here is a better picture of the Banana Bird that M took this morning out the kitchen window.

Pink Lady Wombat

OK, the entry below this one is just me playing around with posting to this page via email. I've been trying to figure out the most idiot proof way I can, and this has only taken me a short time to get working. Typical. I leave for Spain in six days, I have not opened the two travel books I have on the topic, instead I have been figuring out how I'm going to be connected to the rest of the world via a combination of my pocketmail backflip, my palm pilot, an ekno card, foldout keyboard and my brain.

Of course, with all my Palm related research of early last week I have discovered that all my palm pilot peripherals will, of course, not work with my new T3 that should be arriving tomorrow. So I will have to continue to schlep around my old palm to do my pocketmailing, which is kind of dumb. I will keep the T3 for a few months and then consider whether I'd rather sell it and nab an LCD monitor for our recording rig (which, acb, will be up and running by the end of the week).

Last night we headed to M's mothers (I think she was still reeling from the salad meal) for a baked dinner with M's family. I ate too much, mostly because when I encounter roast potatoes and gravy I tend to try and consume enough to last me until the next time, which could be months away. So this morning I got up at 6am (as I'm going to have to do every day this week, because the train I need to get to Brisbane on Sunday is full, and they have instructed me to ring at 6am every morning on the off chance that someone has cancelled their ticket overnight *sigh*) and walked all the way around the block. This isn't as lame as it sounds - as anyone who has visited will know. M reckons it at about a kilometre and a half. Some of which was uphill. So now I am feeling very smug. And I still have half a chocolate wombat (made by the people who created the equally excellent chocolate bilby sitting on my newly clean and tidy desk. Now I just have to mow the lawn, plant some seedlings and make a To Do list and I will have my full quota of smug for the day.

The Wrong & the Right Side of Bed

Sometimes you get up in the morning and although nothing has changed (except the getting of sleep) you feel better. Despite being dragged from bed by M's mother calling to ask me 'how do you find an email address?' I am feeling improved. Thoughts of a new palm Pilot in the post are doubtless cheering my demeanor - I am also reading one of the few Saint books that I've never read before - The Saint in New York which is entertaining me hugely. Even the prospect of M's mother coming to dinner tonight (and the associated house cleaning required beforehand) has not squashed me back into the malfunctioning mess of the past few days. Now hopefully M will be able resist continuing to ask me ridiculous questions like his latest one: "Did Elton John write any of his own songs?" I think he is going squiffy from too much window puttying.

Snail Pace at Knots

Days are slipping past very quickly - it is now less than two weeks until I head for Spain. M and I inspected the Humber door this morning - it is bad, but possibly fixable. It seems to be more of an issue with the actual door hinges, so I think I will start by hunting a set of them down. I may have to get the dent in the front panel beaten straight - obviously this all has to wait on money. Bloody Spain is going to dent my non-existent finances, though my parents have donated me a bit of dosh to survive on.

The other thing that is contributing to my nail chewing is the fact (don't laugh, Honeybone) that I have to figure out today what to get from the guy who sold me the stolen laptop. He offered me another laptop, but as I don't really need one now he said I could pick some other things. At present I'm ruminating on a new Palm Pilot (Tungsten T3) although the battery life appears to be fairly crap - I would love a Palm that had all the specs of the T3 but had the option of AAA batteries, or at least a removeable one. I'm also trying to figure out if it works with my Pocketmail BackFlip, Palm Modem, and PalmKeyboard. Anyway, am also dwelling on an external DVD burner. i am hopeless at this stuff; usually when I'm buying gadget-y stuff I spend forever researching the best thing to get - but I have to get it sorted today. Argh.

See You in Marblehead

Last night my nan took us out to dinner on the final night of their visit. My mother sulked; she wanted to eat at home, but was voted vehemently down. We went to a thai place where the food was sublime. This morning we took them to the station, stopping at a few places in Maryborough to try and get sandwiches for them to take on the train, my mother reeling in shock that no one had brown bread. She had to resort to getting a couple of plain rolls from a bakery. Maryborough and Hervey Bay are white-bread heaven. I'm sure most of their populace exists on it. Anyway. Of course I'd left my purse at home on the fridge so had to scrounge petrol money from my mum, who managed not to roll her eyes.

Said goodbye at the station. I don't know when I'm going to see my nan again. She's heading back to Marblehead, Massachusetts in mid-April. We had a lovely time with her - she loved how quiet it is here. Read her way through a few books. Got the hang of getting in and out of the front seat of the van. For someone who is 80-ish, she is very on the ball. We hit the beach a couple of times, went to every op-shop in Maryborough, went to the movies, visited M's mother, took a tour of Brooklyn House. Most places we went to eat she and I would share a shandy. The three of us walked into the public bar of the Red Roo in Maryborough and drank beer to recover from the heat of the day. My nan has that admirable habit of seeming to be comfortable pretty much anywhere; she left Mudgee, and Australia, in about 1945 as a war bride, married to an American soldier that she'd met in a restaurant in Lonsdale Street, Melbourne. So she's learnt to be adaptable! It was not nice saying goodbye at the station. Nan is not good at goodbyes, and I am worse. I usually get depressed leaving people in Melbourne, but leaving my little five foot nothing Nan was far worse. M and I promised that we head over to the US to visit this time next year when we have sold the house and have some funds for the first time ever. I feel like a wrung out face washer.

Off We Go

We're off in a few minutes to Fraser Island. It's a beautiful day - so hopefully it won't matter that we are without transport. We should just be able to swim on the beach and in the pools. M and I are fast running out of funds... and as the case every second Wednesday I wait feverishly until after 2pm when my pay finally comes through (to be eaten mostly by rent and bills...but hey, at least there's a bit left over for beer). M is strumming the guitar, despairing of us leaving on time. My nan is waiting patiently. My mother is sniffing at things and slathering herself with suncream. I'm sorted - can't you tell? ;o)

Banana Bird

There is a huge banana tree outside our kitchen window. I had never entertained the thought that it would actually banana for us, but about three weeks ago the covering of some pods fell off and there were about thirty little green bananas hanging there. I felt momentarily like I was marooned on a tropical island and had to make a cup of tea. In addition to the green bananas we have inherited a banana bird. We have never seen him before. He's of medium size, brown and white, with a blue band around each of his eyes. He sits just above the bananas and sings his guts out at least twice a day, and then, his job done, disappears.

One Day a Year

I just fought off a cockroach so large that it could have qualified as a dachshund. It was in the sink. Ewww. I survived M's birthday today; more importantly M survived and seemed to have a good time. It feels like no time and an eon since this day last year when we all gathered in the cafe at the end of the pier in St Kilda - which promptly burnt down three months later. M coped manfully with my mother and my nan today - even when my mother out-talked him at lunch and turned him into a shadow of his loquacious self. Thank you to those who sent and called up with birthday greetings - it made us feel less like we're living in the arse end of nowhere... M is now filled with mud cake, coffee and is watching '24' in a state of semi smug sedation. I think his new minidisc player/recorder is a happy addition to his existence...

Sleep Deprived

After having one of those 'thank god I'm back in my own bed' sleeps on Wednesday night, last night I slept for a total of about three sporadic hours. I'm sure it was mostly to do with pasta salad overload combined with some red wine, but there was another factor. For about three months now M has sworn he has another bat friend that makes regular visits. Unfortunately the only other person to see this phenomenon is Rachael P who has not confirmed or denied. I have my doubts. Apparently Bat is quite small and visits (via the bathroom window) whatever room M happens to be in and does two sedate laps with all his little sonars snapping. And then disappears. So last night I'm lying there half asleep and I hear batwing noise. (I'm not sure how I knew it was batwing noise as the closest I usually get to batwings is via my gothy friend, but... I digress...). I heard it go by twice, naturally. M flicked on the torch but we couldn't spot it.

After that, I couldn't sleep. And one of the worst things when you can't sleep is being ultra-conscious of the other person in the bed every time you want to turn over. So here I am. Typing baggy eyed and smeary. Blisters on my hands from raking grass yesterday.

Goodbye & Good Luck

Said goodbye over spaghetti marinara and risotto to the fascinating Claire last night :o( she is disappearing on an odessey of mythical proportions on the 2nd of April. Included in her travels is *gasp* a ticket to see the Pixies play. I almost swallowed the table when she told me. I am consumed by envy. I donated her my ten US dollars that I have been carrying around in my purse for forever, and I got a laminated Hawaiian poster with my name on it in Hawaiian in return. Claire disappears to the US, Canada, and then London...with no particular date of return *waves* Byeeeeeee!

This morning I had the choice between a train that looked like a bale of hay promoting help for erection problems - the connection? A 'roll in the hay'. *wince* As a discerning public transport traveller I chose to wait for the IPod tram - if I can't afford to have one, at least I can travel in a tram that screams it's name. Soon I will write about the trials of Spain.

Country Air

After a large roast dinner at the House of Crime on Friday night I headed to Chris's house to stay in her spare room. Having eaten a meal two times the size of my own head, I crumpled on to the bed and passed out. To be woken around 2am by drunken giggling from downstairs. They were home. After taking about ten minutes to get themselves through the back door I heard N bellow "B is upstairs in bed, Lets go and see B!!" I lay quaking as Chris and N cantered up the stairs, burst into my room, N straddling my supine, face down figure (clad in only PJ bottoms) and played some rapid percussion with her hands on my bare back, while screaming "She's so warm. Chris! Feel how warm she is! Warmer than a Hot Cross Bun!!"

They finally left when I started to scream. Then I drifted back to sleep to the sound of them riding down the stairs on blankets one after another. Many, many times. I made sure that I had the pleasure, in the morning, of running into Chris's room launchimg myself upon her prone and alcoholically aromatic shape and screaming. Once she'd made herself human, about four hours later, we headed to Mungs to practice some new songs, and then headed on to a party at Dave and Ellises, that I finally dragged myself away from at about 2am this morning.

This is where the title of this post becomes relevant. I crowbarred myself into an upright position this morning and after priming myself with panadol, drove to South Gippsland to visit my dad. It's a beautiful day. I've done my tour of the fruit trees (plums, nectarines, peaches, macadamia, walnut, grapefruit, cherry) and just come back from having pumpkin soup in town. Am about to sit in the sun and see how long I can stay awake for. I did an experiment with my old Nokia 5110 and his new tiny Alcatel mobile phone to see which got the best signal. The 5110 won hands down, so now we are watching a few of them on ebay and will hopefully have one bidded on and one by the end of the afternoon. If only I didn't have to drive back tonight *sigh*....

Glug. Sniff

My bloody boss came into work last week with a hideous cold. Obviously it took advantage of the fact that our office has no ventilation (J stuffed a pillow in the vent just like I did last year, because it gets so cold in here that we all had to use hot water bottles and scarves - in the middle of summer) and somehow it weaved its evil way into me. And percolated quietly all weekend. And then decided to emerge today with sore throat, endless sneezing and an increasingly smuffy nose. I don't have time for a cold.

The thing is, I was declaiming last night to my mum and my nan how I haven't eaten fruit for ages - nice fruit seems to be in short supply in Hervey Bay. My nan went into shock: "You have to eat fruit." I shrugged. Ate an apple to placate them. And then another, because it was nice. All to no avail. So now I have to choose my anti-cold drugs. I generally don't take them, but, like the ad says - I have to 'soldier on'. (Not being eligible for sick pay has something to do with this.) Your anti-cold drug of choice? Anyone?

So far Sudafed has been suggested. Personally I'm thinking of the bottle of Johnny Walker Black that my nan and I cracked open last night. With a little bit of hot lemon added in - though that may be sacrilege. I was planning to and up my culture levels by going to see a film, but think I'll just crumple my way back home.

Ratty

As so often happens when I depart for the grey climes of the south, M gets a huge burst of energy. I think it's from being solitary after a solid month of three different lots of visitors. Anyway. He made his own humane rat trap. We think they are bush rats and they have been dancing Irish reels in our roof for months. We compromised on the bait (or so I'm led to believe - I'm so far away he could have put anything in there and I would never know) - I suggested peanut butter and he suggested cheese. It worked. He put the cage thing in the roof and caught a mofo rat a few hours later.

So then the second stage of his evil plan went into action. M and the rat (still in it's cage) jumped in the Humber and went for a long drive. They stopped near a large lot of land that had quite a few kangaroos hanging about and M set rat free. He thought that would be his last sight of rat - running gleefully out of the wonder-cage, but no, he waited a few minutes and glimpsed rat again, bounding over a log. He doesn't think rat was running in the direction of our house.

Wind & Water

This is starting to annoy me. Just before I left for Melbourne in January I planted some sunflower seeds. In the last few days they have grown taller than me and they are now even taller than M! So they're at least six and a half foot high - they're amazing. But we are currently getting winds up to 100kmp/h and they have almost been annihilated. M and I were out at the vegie patch in our gortex jackets hammering stakes to try and save them from being blown over. My corn isn't looking so great either, but at least it's not top heavy like my sunflowers. I was already pissed off that I was going to miss them when they flowered as I have to head south v.soon, but to have them ripped out by the wind... GRRRROWL. The smeariness of this picture is due to the torrents of rain that you can't see very clearly.

...and here's a close up of my sunflowers :o(

Oh. M has just come in armed with his Super8 camera to announce that our little bridge that my dad and Terry fixed up over our creek has just been submerged. Great. More updates soon. OK. I've become a meteorlogical geek. The cats are inside, thanks for asking...

Water Water Everywhere

The backyard is slipping slowly under water. Our regular little creek has formed a confluence with another creek that appeared in the night. It's quite interesting. It also completely validates my plans to sell this house in the dry season... I'm sure some prospective buyers might have a tiny problem with our picturesque creeky things. Will post a picture later. The wind is picking up and we have to take HouseGuests No.6 to the bus station - hopefully they will be able to vacate Hervey 'almost cyclonic' Bay for Brisbane without any freak gusts of wind carrying them off. And Toto too.

Severe Weather Warning

We were planning to head over to Fraser Island today, but decided not to when we heard the lady at the ticket booth telling a whole gaggle of backpackers that the island was off limits due to impending bad weather, and that all campers and visitors were being kicked off... sorry ....evacuated. So we went elsewhere, swimming in between rain showers, dodging swooping kookaburras and grimacing over mediocre coffee. Went past the supermarket on the way home and everybody is buying up like it's the day before a long weekend - not to mention the line up and the petrol station. Hervey Bay is taking this weather stuff pretty seriously! Here's what the Bureau reckon:

A DANGEROUS SITUATION IS EXPECTED TO DEVELOP ON FRIDAY AS A LOW MOVES TOWARDS THE SOUTH QUEENSLAND COASTLINE AND DEEPENS.

Destructive wind gusts to 130 km/h are expected to develop early on Friday between about Town of 1770 and the Sunshine Coast gradually extending southwards to the Gold Coast during the day. The combination of large ocean swells and the high tide Friday morning will produce water levels above the highest tide of the year between Fraser Island and the Sunshine Coast leading to some flooding of low lying areas close to the shoreline. People should also keep out of the water whilst these large ocean swell persist. Heavy rains are likely with some local flooding. People between Town of 1770 and Coolangatta should secure outside items, take any necessary precautions and listen to the next warning which will be issued at 8pm tonight.

The Age says similar things. Of course this means that the kite surfers are already having abundant fun, using all the wind to their advantage. Haven't seen any actual surfers yet, but have begun eyeing my surfboard....

Hostess Twinkie

We have a baby in the house. For the most part he's very good and doesn't take up too much room ;o) He hasn't really had a screaming fit or done too much projectile vomiting. The fact that he's very cute is also in his favour. (although Mung said that this picture makes him look like a little podge....)

In spite of all the attention Luka needs, Mung and Rach are very relaxed with him and we've hit the beach twice, went to Maryborough yesterday and today I'm working (can't you tell?) and they've taken off in the van to go exploring. Poor M is going to be sad when they go, and then I desert him a day later. Fraser Island is possible for tomorrows Grand Day Out. Tonight Rach may be making a chocolate self saucing pudding - and if it turns out well, I may actually just keep her here by force.

Early Early

It's 4am. Got woken by the most godawful cat fight - and as nothing can get into the cat home, I'm assuming that something passed close by - and both the cats endeavoured to let whatever it was know that it should never pass their way again. M proved again that if he had offspring their bad dreams would go unattended (how can anyone sleep through the noise of two cats feigning violent prolonged deaths?) waking only afterwards to say pettishly 'Well you heard them - if you think that they're OK and shouldn't be checked on...'

...meaning...'Heartless cow, just because you can see one of them stalking up and down by torchlight through the bedroom window, doesn't mean that the other one isn't lying there bleeding quietly...' So I lay in bed for another hour, guiltridden. Dwelling on heading out the to cathome, leapfrogging cane-toads, and deciding against it. Daylight will reveal all.

With all my 'hostessing' I've actually just been using my computer for working and not catching up on my regular blog reads! I'd been missing my fix over at missjenjens and discovered that she was no longer in residence there. I assumed that her move to Sydney may have prompted a blogging hiatus. But no. While checking up whether Gianna's baby had arrived I noticed a post (just prior to the birth) about missjenjen having got the boot from her workplace as her blog had been discovered. Too bad she'd already resigned - mwah ha ha ha. So if you're out there missjenjen, remember that truth is the response to all cries of 'defamation' (that's the only thing I remember from my degree - Arts - obviously) and from the sound of the many people that blighted you at the office, they'll only have benefitted from the insights that your blog was kind enough to give them ;o)

Weather

Am still busy playing hostess. After rampantly consuming large amounts of white wine with the very gourmet risotto that Lisa and created, we got up slightly groggily yesterday morning and Drove with M to Rainbow Beach, via Tin Can Bay and Poona. Spent lots of time enjoying the waves at Rainbow Beach - I stood up on my surfboard for seconds at a time (-just call me Layne) - Lisa got her pale gothic skin a lovely shade of British Tourist Red and we also investigated Inskip Point.

After another swim we headed back to Maryborough and had our own personal lightening show on the way. Here is a biblical looking weather moment:

[photo by lisa]

When we got into town every light in Maryborough was out! We headed to the pub, as we were early for our dinner reservation and the barman had one torch, which was complicated by Lisa and I asking for shandys... We sat on the balcony of the pub and watch the light show for a while and then headed to the Muddy Waters Cafe - just as we got there the street lights popped back on - they'd hooked up a generator, but were way behind in their schedule, so I rang through to a Hervey Bay restaurant who told me that lights were still out all over Hervey Bay and that if lights were on in Maryborough we should stay there. So we did. Lisa treated us to a lovely dinner and we drove home tired and floppy from sea and sun. I was so buggered that I didn't hear it pour down during the night, but our little creek is running this morning, and the water tank is overflowing.

Up To Date

Well I am an idiot. Lisa did not arrive until yesterday. We cleaned up the house on Friday and it was only a complete fluke that I SMS-ed her to see how her 'trip up' was going: a message that was responded to by a phone call with her shrieking 'I'm not coming 'til Sunday. SUNDAY!!' So then we had the difficult task of trying to keep the bathroom clean for two days so we didn't have to do it again, try not to drink all the beer and eat all the TimTams. (Tangent: as the TimTams were the new 'Kahlua' flavour or whatever the fuss has been about, it wasn't hard as they smell much better than they taste, sadly.)
So she finally showed up yesterday - two hours late as the Tilt Train had to only travel at 60km per hour due to the extreme heat and threat of the train tracks buckling. Yike.

Picked up a new hard drive so we can try and get some recording done soon - huzzah from what looked like a disused shopfront in Maryborough. It's actually a huge place filled with a million computer bits that is solely dedicated to trading on Ebay - which I thought was pretty nifty.

It is thundering off and on now and there is a HUGE storm that has just brushed by us - with lots of lightening visible fairly far away. M has run out and kamikazed quite a lot of his basil plants (apparently if you chop their tops off, they grow wider and bushier). So now our blender is full to the top of pesto and Lisa and I are skidding in our own drool. I think I'm going to have to look in to the viability of freezing pesto...right now!

She's Finally Lost It

Bye Bye HG No.4

House guests No.4 departed this morning and we were v.sorry to see them go - we had an awesome week! It was fated that M's power saw broke the day they got here so he wasn't able to do all the work that is sitting there waiting for him - instead we went swimming every day, my work hours became more and more 'flexible' and I had other people around to whinge about the heat with and compare bites. M and I got taken out to dinner every night and almost died with delight. And in regard to the bitecount - sandflies got in the mozzie net last night and bit the crap out of me - so now Dylan has a little bit more competition.

BiteCount

Those of you who keep an eye on my bitecount over there on the left hand side of the page, will have noticed that it has only ever hit about 25 or 26 when my bites have been super bad. Unfortunately, one of the things that Dylan has done while visiting us up here has been to render my bitecount laughable. He currently has 70 - seventy - bites - resulting from a badly positioned mozzie net on the second night of his stay. So I hereby bestow upon him the title of BiteKing and I bow to his superior bitedom.

5am

That's what time I got up this morning. It was actually cool. Bliss. Will now have to go to bed at about 8pm, but it was worth it. Our guests have been unbelievably nice to us and yesterday hired jetskis for us to have a go on. M and I had one and they shared the other. The jetskis were brand new (as the hire lady kept reminding us). I've never been into jetskis - they look like fun but they're kind of noisy and it seems like a surfeit of idiots use them at the expense of other peoples more laid back beach fun. Anyway - there was no one at the beach so I didn't feel so bad. I jumped on first and M rode pillion.

Weeeeehoooh! WAAAAHOOOOO!

I went up to 80km an hour and M was hanging on for his life. It was a total buzz! We zipped up and down and up and down, jumped little waves - M had to try some semi-burn outs (or the water based equivalent). Then last night we got taken out to dinner - for the second time (and as someone who has only been out to dinner in Hervey Bay twice in six months, this is a major thrill) and we all tried some deep fried Tasmanian brie. As an entree...which was a mistake. It was pretty nice - but I think I prefer it normal on dry biscuits.

Dylan is majorly into his polaroid cameras and there are pictures of everything being spat out of different cameras - my scanner is in storage or I'd be putting some of them up here. I do have some photos of the new kitchen (I know this is not exciting for normal people, but we've been cooking on a single burner camp stove since June) but I won't bore you. Must get back to the fascination of arson. That was sarcastic, in case you were wondering.

Just Queer

It's 9pm. Humidity is at 80%. I want to move south. Quite soon. Tomorrow in fact. However our latest visitors are kind of liking the weather and are feeling holiday-like, so I am trying to curb my weather-related whining. Gah. Here are the visitors out the back.

Earlier today M's mother rang to see if one of us could take her to the doctor. I had to work all day, so M went along. So they're in the waiting room at the medical centre and M's mother starts telling him about this TV show she watched last night at my urging. She was agog.
"I didn't know B was into that kind of television show! There were men with men. There was a man with a ten inch...thingy...and they were throwing quoits over it! There was a woman there too. But she turned out to be a man as well..."

By this point M was torn between gagging and having hysterics. I'd told her to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and she'd stumbled on Queer As Folk. That improved my day considerably!

Slump

OK, my euphoria at coming home has been quashed by 18 mosquito and sandfly bites, large amounts of humidity and M playing Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde. He is possessed by finishing off the kitchen, the proximity of his family and (I suspect) my interuption of his bachelor life. Nevertheless, he continues to make me pesto - so I am valiantly playing the role of tolerant princess. Dylan and Rachael arrive tomorrow afternoon, which is going to be cool - although I have to have a serious chunk of work done by the end of the week and this might detract from my 'hostessing' abilities.

I bit the bullet today and bought THIRTY mosquito coils and a LARGE bottle of tropical strength Aeroguard. Once my next payday ticks around I will also invest in some mega-strength Vitamin B (even though I can find no scientific research that upholds the general agreement that mosquitos stay away from B-junkies). Every little bit helps.

Before I left (just now on three weeks ago) I planted some corn seedlings and some sunflower seeds. They are now both higher than my knees - a product of the huge amount of rain that happened in my absence. Go corn! I continue to plot my revenge on the bastard shutupandstopit next door. I now have M's permission, once the house is sold, to drive past the front of their house and scream 'WAYNE - shut the gate you useless f****** c***!' Which is only a tiny fragment of what I heard him scream at the mother of his children this morning at...oh, about 8am this morning. But I am still tempted to record him in full flight and play it loudly over the fence at opportune moments...hum. Might have to get my blackbelt beforehand.

Welcome Home Me!

After living in a house that I never wanted to come home to after spending time away, coming home to the house-in-progress is bliss. Was greeted joyfully by sandflies and M who had cleaned the house to within an inch of its life, bought me flowers and *gasp* had even defrosted the fridge - which had been resembling the polar ice cap for the past two months.

It seems longer than two days ago that I drove my mother and I to the airport to collect my little Nan, who had travelled from the US to New Zealand on the QE2 and then flown into Melbourne. Apparently there are many fat, over dressed, whiny people on the QE2 - a revelation that didn't really surprise me too much. So I got to catch up with my Nan over dinner, and then leave at 5:45am in the morning with all the loot she brought me (endless supplies of makeup, Burts Bees stuff and a bottle of Glamorous by Ralph Lauren). So I left tired, but smelling delicious. In the throes of my gratitude I also left her some of my new books to read...thank god my mother lent me another case to get all my stuff home. I went from being the world's lightest traveller to burdened mule-girl in just over two weeks.

Oh man, I'm glad to be home!

Winding Up

Work drinks last night at Cookie. Followed by a sublime dinner at Chez Phat. Jeez - I'm feeling dunked in inner-city cool. Get me back to Hervey Bay! (with olive dip in hand). Actually last night was far more suited to my brother, bar slut from way back, currently destitute in London after quitting his job for a better one, which then fell through. I may have to set up a 'Fund For Starving Brother' on this site if he doesn't find work soon. Fingers crossed. Or, as they say in the No.1 Ladies Detective Agency, 'stand on your toe'.

Am very much looking forward to going home to lovely Hervey Bay house - M and I get a couple of days to ourselves and then we have the first of three lots of visitors!! Our spare room isn't going to know what hit it! I am very glad we have one. However I have just checked my horoscope (because I just have nothing else I'm supposed to be doing....yeah right) and it does not bode well for my arrival back into the nest. Get this:

Taurus (me)
Friday February 6th

A Red Rag in the Casa del Toro? The Full Moon in Leo at 19.48 could trigger a fast but deep sense of crisis in your Domestic Reality sector. There could be a sense that something is not working or someone is just not working out. Wait a day before making decisions.

Aries (him)
Friday February 6th

The phone won't ring? The love note won't arrive? You are locked, this evening, in a classic Full Moon in the 5th house scenario, when everything associated with your romantic love life seems to be in crisis. It's worth riding out without burning too many bridges.

I have the fear. Bloody Mystic Medusa.

The Weekend

Besides being the name of an unusually cool band, the weekend that has just past was full of wonder, delight and a weird flu-bug that killed me off at the end.
Friday night was the wondrous Crime-Book Grab!! I filled a box. It was spectacular! I was rather self-conscious about the amount of books that I managed to grab - but, to be honest, it was a mere trifle of what I could have jumped on. However I was limited by politeness, my lack of upper body strength and probably restrictions on my luggage on the way home.

Went shopping for my Christmas present with my mum. She bought three things...for her. I was so swamped by choice after living in the land of Op-Shop for so long, that I didn't get anything, and decided the dosh would be better spent on an frivolously expensive haircut. Then ran from my mums place to Dave and Ellise's awesomely impressive new house (two houses away). They can see the sea from their bedroom. Amazing. Saw my little Sonic cat who had come off quite badly in an encounter with a fox a few weeks previously - but has lived to see another day...

Headed out on the town with D & E and drank copious shandies for most of the night. We ended up in Balaclava - which was so exciting for me, as I was about five minutes from home. Huzzah! Woke up in the morning and felt fine, but then slowly succumbed to some weird, nauseous, sweaty flu thing (no - not a hangover). Stayed in bed the entire day feeling vile. Got up to got for dinner at the Gibson-Roys; who were astonished at my lack of alcoholism - I drank water. Had a lovely night and drove home with a sick bag within grabbing distance (this has no reflection on the dinner, because it was gourmet). Stayed in bed for most of Australia Day. Ate six grapes and some chicken soup - not for my soul either. Now am at work feeling marginally improved. Haven't heard if anyone saw the BM clip on RAGE on Friday night. But I looked it up on the website and it was on!

A Bit Wet

It rained last night. It also rained this morning. But still the water in the bottom of the two little dams out the back was only a few inches deep. Then we went to Hell ...sorry...Bunnings...and there was a fair bit more rain. Due to the nature of Bunnings we did not return home for at least three hours. The dams had overflowed. More than that, they had developed their own dinky rapids, plus a picturesque kind of minor river system that navigated the clothesline.

To Move is To Sweat

It's got a bit better now (6pm) but today I had