Drawn back to blogging by bum related hysteria. For almost as long as we’ve been knocking around together, the name of M’s bum has been Alan. Yes. On one occasion while he was away on tour with Augie March in Coolum, he drunkenly confided this to all and sundry and I was telephoned by someone called Declan who was gasping with laughter and desperate for corroboration. I corroborated. I probably would have done more than that if requested, his accent was exceptionally attractive.
Tonight, M stripped off in the kitchen and did a nudie dance prior to getting in the bath with Small Z. She shrieked with delight;
“DADDA has a SWINGING PENIS!!!”
M then had the taste for performing, and showed off;
“Dadda’s SWINGING ELBOWS.”
His swinging eyebrows…and finally…
“DADDA has a SWINGING BUM. His BUM is SWINGING!!”
Yes, I told her. Have I told you that Dadda’s bum’s name is Alan?”
“Ahhhh,” she made her appreciative noise, “Alan. ALAN. What’s the swinging penis’s name?”
I choked. M, of course, did not miss a beat. “My penis,” he said, wagging it, “Is known as HUMUNGO.”
“Alan and Who-Mungo,” mused Small Z. It seemed to work for her.
Later in the bath, Humungo was shortened to ‘Hugo’. My bum was introduced to her as Alannah. Then she asked the vagina question – “What’s it’s name?”
I heard M flailing in the bath, and tried to think of something inoffensive.
“Violet!” I yelled down the hall. “Your vagina’s name is VIOLET!”
I heard the little voice echoing off the bathroom walls…
“…and what’s Mama’s….”
“VIOLET as well.”
“Zoe’s bum’s name?”
“Ummmm. Let’s call her Ally,” I was running out of inspiration.
“Ah,” she said, her curiosity sated. All parts were named and in their place.