The three long months have drawn to a close. Today I went to pottery class. A-L-O-N-E. It was sublime. No offence to the Smalls, but I had no one to think about but myself and my (somewhat neglected) teacher. We drank tea in the sun. I inventoried all my remaining clay, of which there were three different kinds. Made a cup. Not a very good one, mind you, but the clay was dry and I’m out of practice.
I decided what I was going to do with the basket of bisque fired stuff I’ve had sitting around at home for ages. I’m disappointed with the colours that I bought – they are insipid. I want BOLD. In the absence of bold, I will go for a white crackle glaze and call it my ‘simplicity’ range Ha.
I had lunch with my teacher and some other regulars in the sun and felt more peaceful than I had for a-g-e-s. No one demanding my attention, needing snacks or taking to the toilet. It was excellent.
Another thing that came together today were my secret plans and clever tricks* – recently I bought a clapped out iPhone 3GS 16GB on eBay. I won’t disclose the cost, merely that it was between $50 and $100 and closer to the former. Why?
I already own this exact phone and it has served me admirably. However, for the entire time Small DB has been on this planet, M has not had a phone. He has, of course, had many phones – the ones I have inherited from Small Brother (hello there in London) and passed on, and an old one of my mother’s. Most without colour screens. He has shown them all, in the end, scant respect. And, again, why?
Because he is mesmerised by the 3GS. Because it has a GPS in it. [Tangent alert.] You must understand that when he first became enamoured at the idea of a GPS, selective availability had not yet been turned off. That happened on my birthday, 2nd of May, in 2000. “Yippee!!” chortled M. However, GPS units were then monochrome affairs with a one inch square screen – costing just under $400. I know this because, in a weak moment, I bought him one for his birthday. He still pats it occasionally.
It now has an air of definite antiquity. And the iPhone has Proper Mapping and Navigating Stuff. Even this old 2009 model. So, its screen was dead, but I figured it could be fixed (which is why it was so cheap – and I had been watching how much they sold for for a while). I did take it all apart and put it back together again – and realised that (after copious assistance from Google) its LCD was bung.
This did not stop all the photos of its previous owner being transferred to my computer. Heaven preserve me from pseudo sexy selfies, hair extensions and…the selfies. Eeeep. Oh dear. I costed a new LCD and realised it would only cost me $10 extra for someone else to install it – someone who did it All The Time and had less chance of buggering it up. That’s right. I took it to A Man.
Once that was fixed I then had access to every text that woman had ever sent – the plight of her stepfather, her drug habits, her brother’s money troubles and her dickhead of a boyfriend. And his bank account details, her payslips, all her emails – the works. I spent about 15 voyeuristic minutes – and then wiped the lot of it.
The Smalls and I wrote M a card, and thanked him for his hard work on the boat. It was perfect, as he came home from a dusty lonely day. His soul was balmed – and guess what? NOW WE CAN TELL HIM TO STOP FOR MILK ON THE WAY HOME. [Secret plans and clever tricks…] I think he’ll be okay with that.
* Phrasing by Roald Dahl – ‘The Enormous Crocodile’
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