--YOU KNOW YOU KNEAD IT--

Don’t cry over spilt…

I’m at the start of day six of weaning Small DB. It continues to be h-a-r-d. The 5am wake ups have sapped my non-feeding stamina. Dealing with a tired Small DB who spends a good part of her day pleading for “my fwiend the boobies…my fwiends the boobies are bwoken…” is soul sapping…

It doesn’t help that the girls are full, sore and ready to save the lives of babies everywhere. I’m chomping down sage…raw…with no appreciable effect.

The weaning has prompted Small DB to have earth-shattering tantrums. Of the sort where she has to be put in an area where she is unlikely to hurt herself. (Yeah mum, I’m torturing the kids again, look away now…) She screams and screams and screams and screams…she’s not screaming to be fed, she’s screaming because she’s tired…so tired…and the comfort she’s had access to from birth whenever she’s feeling out of sorts is denied her 🙁

I have to just stand aside. She won’t be interfered with. I’m not even allowed to look at her. It is so desperately dispiriting to feel like I am the cause of my gorgeous two-year-old lying on the ground writhing and screaming, “Don’t look at me. DON’T LOOK AT ME!.” If I leave the room, she continues. If I stand there, she continues. All I can do is just be present and wait it out… and then she’ll come to me, and collapse…

I hope this is fucking worth it. I would far prefer to feed Small DB until she weaned of her own volition, but I just can’t go on feeling so leached – running on a cocktail of vitamins because my body appears incapable of producing milk AND iron/magnesium/calcium etc. etc. Let me advise anyone out there with this scenario in the future – MAKE SURE YOU DON’T EMBARK ON THE WEAN AT THE SAME TIME YOU’RE ABOUT TO HIT SOME PMT…it will make you second guess yourself, feel doubly bad…the works. Just saying…

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5 Comments

  1. jess

    thinking of you, hope it doesn’t drag on too much longer. The tantrums sound like Milly’s, horrible, and I think the worst part is that they dont want to be consoled..maybe catch up soon…friday? we could drive down..?!

  2. Myf

    Ow! I’m sorry. I hope this stage passes quickly!
    I have been a total WIMP with F’s tantrums lately, too busy and needing to concentrate and have been using the TV nanny too much. I am going to PAY big time when I get the energy back to put my foot down. Erggghh…

  3. beth

    Oh…the TV nanny – I’ve been getting lax with that, particularly toward the end of the day *sigh*
    Energy? What’s that!!? 🙂

  4. beth

    Oh! Hey Jess! DB and Milly are usually fairly in sync – tantywise… *eyeroll* Friday could be a goer! I’ll call you!

  5. This too will pass or some such consoling phrase.

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