I am valiantly trying to avoid a replay of Small Z’s issues when she was tiny. I have avoided dairy since Small D’s birth (with only one regrettable hiccup), almost given up on cloth nappies (despite the fact that the eco-disposables are making a hole in the credit card) and have been swaddling her to sleep for the past week or so.

Small D is just like Small Z, in that there is no way she will go off to sleep in an even slightly damp cloth nappy. I am sure changing Small Z’s nappy five or six times a night when she was tiny did not help her AT ALL in the sleep department….

My aim is simple. It is to have the most stress-free existence possible -for all of us, but particularly Small D and me, because it’s hard enough assimilating a new little one into our lives without added complications. But, oh gosh, I hope she learns to love the car…because Small Z hated it for her entire first year…when we lived in a place that, to go anywhere? We had to get in the car. Thank goodness we’ve moved to Hastings, where I can largely avoid ever using it…

After our miserable excursion to Balnarring the other day I had significant dread about the half hour drive to take Small Z to her preschool. It was not unfounded. I made sure that Small D was asleep when I put her in the car, but of course, there were roadworks and I had to stop the car for five minutes. And the screaming began…

Needless to say, we did not make it to preschool. After stopping at a fruit store to de-stress and get some strawberries, we turned around and headed home. Small D yelled most of the way back. Too. Fucking Hard. The thought of doing that once a week – driving 30 minutes each way for Small Z to go to preschool for a total of two hours, suddenly seemed both ridiculous and impossible.

When we got home I called up the preschool and withdrew her. Most importantly, she didn’t care. Her attendance has been up and down, and she has never completely settled into staying there alone despite our initial success. Such relief. I comforted myself with the thought that Small Z is only two and a half, and doesn’t ‘need’ to actually go anywhere at this point in time – I had just thought it would be good preparation for next year when she might attend proper three-year-old preschool. And that I could use a break…

I hope to find an alternative closer to home. Or not. There are no shortage of playgroups around here. I will see how we progress over the next month and ponder on how I am going to start working two days a week again in January. My brain feels squeezed. I’m going to investigate a few nearby childcare places and see what they’re like. The ideal scenario would be for her to go a day a week, or a couple of mornings with the aim of this becoming the norm by the time I start work again.

So it’s goodbye to Montessori for the moment, which is a bit disappointing – it was such a lovely space, with lovely people. But the degree of difficulty for me was too high. Pick your battles…




Replay and repeat…


  1. Rae

    OMG – “Pick your battles”. That is the best thing I’ve read in ages. I know the saying, heck I’ve even used it a squillion times, but it’s such a great motto.
    And you have done the best thing by yourself and your two beautiful gals. Well done!

  2. beth

    Any parenting comment from you is taken seriously…as mother of twins!! Thank-you 🙂

  3. Sorry about the car thing, can’t give you any advice there. As far as pre-school is concerned don’t worry about it. Small Z strikes me as being quite ahead of herself so putting her in pre-school to prepare her seems kind of redundant.

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