--YOU KNOW YOU KNEAD IT--

These go to ELEVEN

M and I never realised that we might have a baby one day. When this happened, through no fault of our own ;P we realised that what we did not know about having one of these small people could fill several encylopaedias.

For instance, I assumed that babies just played and then got tired and then got even tireder and then possibly even flaked out where they were. You then just scooped them up and deposited them in their beds. Too easy.

I have since learned that this is indeed true for some babies. Just not our one. Our one wakes up in the morning, and you can actually see her turning up the volume on her very own Marshall stack. It’s like this:
1. Eyes open
2. Eyes blink
3. Big stretches
4. A few more
5. Lie still for a minute to make me think she might actually be Going Back to Sleep
6. Ha! Tricked you. Start rolling.
7. Start crawling
8. Roll around a bit
9. Remembers the voice
10. Begins to chant ‘Baa! Baa!!’
11. The crawling and the shouting and the pirate noises all churn into one big conflagration. BAAAAA!

And that’s how Z turns herself up to her all day running speed of ELEVEN each day. Every week when my mother visits to look after Small Z, she gets to a point in the afternoon when Small Z is totally tired, and the same expression takes up residence on her face. The question she then asks me is usually a variation of;
“So…if I laid down on the bed with her, she wouldn’t just go off to sleep?”
“So…if I just read her a story, put her in her cot and close the door…she won’t just go off to sleep?”
I don’t actually speak in response to this anymore. I have given up shrieking “If it was that easy, don’t you think I’d DO IT?” and now I just shoot her the Look, which clearly says “Lady, you are clearly insane, or are just choosing to ignore the evidence of the past ten months.”

Secretly she’s probably embarassed that she has a grand-daughter who thinks sleep is for the weak. She’s also afflicted with the ailment specific to her generation – all their babies slept. Without any problem. All the time. In fact, they can’t remember that sleep was ever an issue. To which I have two responses – “That’s because they hadn’t discovered the whole sleep-them-on-their-backs-to-fight-SIDS approach and all your babies slept on their tummies – where babies mostly sleep best.” and “That’s because you drugged them with Phenergan.” As in “She seems a bit unsettled – give her some Phenergan.”

My dad told me a few months back that they used to Phenergan me. Whenever I see my landlord as I’m walking Z around the property, he says, with wearying regularity, “Put that baby in her cot. She’ll cry herself to sleep. Or just give her some Baby Panadol…or Phenergan.” ARGH! He’s my landlord. I have to let him live. He’s also the one that says “Come and borrow some of our DVDs – they’ll sit in front of them for hours.”

Anyway, the point of all this was that, M and I just sit back and watch our Energizer Bunny baby just go, and go, and GO! But recently I have occasionally noticed that everything has gone quiet in the trailer, and I sneak up to the bedroom door and see that Small Z has crawled in there, past the cot, around the chair, and is sitting down under the window at the end of the bed amongst a pile of her books. And she sits there, ‘reading’ them for a good twenty minutes or so. It’s almost the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. So at those times, I think she has turned down from ELEVEN to about eight or nine. It’s lovely.

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1 Comment

  1. Your mentioning your mother twigged a memory I have about my own. I remember visiting mom the one time and telling her that my daughter wouldn’t eat her strained meat baby food as she hated it and only liked the fruit. My mother responding “oh you just have to trick her” and then proceeding to give my daughter the strained meat covered with the baby fruit. To this day she remembers my daughter somehow managing to swallow the fruit and spit out the meat. LOL, the look of amazement on mom’s face…sometimes mothers do know their own babies better.

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