It is sad to think that in 2008 - that’s right, TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT (I remember when I was smaller thinking “Oh - in the year 2000 I will be 26 - how stupidly old and ridiculously far away that is.” D’oh.) there are only TWO places that sell biodiesel in the whole of Melbourne. One in Prahran, and one in Boronia. If I may coin a word? PATHETICO.

Did M think that he needed to TELEPHONE them before driving an hour into town to ask if they had biodiesel? No. Why would he. Thus he called me, steaming with freshly laid rage that he had been stuck in traffic on the way to Prahran, only to be told that there was a delay with the biodiesel and there was none available. He then drove to Boronia - and from there called me on a payphone that kept eating money he didn’t have to ask what the address of the other biodiesel station was. I found them online, called them. They had none either. I was barely brave enough to relay this information to M when he called back (the telephone having eaten more money).

“Argh. FUCK!!? I will NEVER get this chunk of my life back. This day, the ENTIRE day, I will never get back. It’s a gaping hole in my life. Totally, totally useless. ARGH. ARGH! ARGH!!”

I sat wide-eyed on the other end of the line. M barked a hopeless goodbye and hung up. He eventually returned to the Trailer a sadder, wiser entity. I made him a coffee. And yet the day was not finished with him. He realised he had lost a hubcap while on his fruitless mission. I had not thought he could look more woebegone. And yet the day was not finished with him - although it almost finished us when we decided to join Small Brother up in Loch and were almost squashed by a truck when we pulled out of our road.

The truck driver was so infuriated that he got out of his vehicle and, without using one single swear word, managed to reduce M to a small cheeping sparrow. At that point, M ceased to fight his fate and decided to soothe himself with beer on arrival. We also purchased some Moonlite Grand Ridge Beer for me. Really for me! It’s the only light beer I have ever had that tastes just as good as normal beer - I would drink it regardless of it’s lightness. And when we got to my dad’s place, I sat in the sun and, after feeding PartyPie, I did. A whole one. Exactly 9.9% of one standard drink. It was totally brilliant.