[m i a o w] the cat

I hate faux wood. However, in the trailer, I am surrounded by it and have learned to accept that faux wood is a part of our lives until such time as the boat is ready to move on to. The other thing that I really loathe (besides the abomination that are vertical blinds) is faux brick. Why even bother with the brick pattern? I am confounded by the lameness of it all.

Our landlord, Jim, had mentioned that he was going to get someone in to the trailer to fix up the area around the woodheater to make it a bit more fireproof. Due to the last tenant’s penchant for baking themselves like a roast dinner, the faux wood near the (real) woodheater had begun to buckle. (Or maybe - this just occurred to me - it was the faux wood responding to the nearness of REAL wood, and it realised it’s true status in life i.e. nil). So today Jim and the person he found to do the job turned up. And after buggering around for over two hours and scratching up both arms on one of my (new to me) chairs, we were left with this:

Have you ever seen faux bricks on top of faux wood? Embracing, as it were? Well now you have. And spare a thought for us tomorrow morning, when we get up, having innocently forgotten what has transpired, and are faced with the hideousity. M suggests we introduce faux cacti to the whole arrangement. I can’t decide whether to hit him or agree.