[m i a o w] the cat

Last night before we went to sleep, M and I were lying on our new mattress chatting about nothing in particular. During the course of the conversation M said…

“I don’t give a rat’s arse.”

I lay there for a while and pondered.

“That is such a weird thing to say. A rat’s arse?”

“A rat’s arse.”

“Sooooo. When would you ever give a rat’s arse to anyone?”

“Never. That’s the point. You’d never give a rat’s arse to anybody.”

“But someone must’ve…”

“Yeah. OK. Well, it’s the absolute last thing you’d ever give to someone.”

I pondered again. “I dunno about that…”

“Think about it. It would mean that you really meant it, because it woudn’t be easy. You’d have to find a rat and chase it and catch it. Then you’d have to cut its arse off.”

“…or out…”

“Yeah. You could cut its arse out. Then you’d give it to the person.”

“And say - I GIVE A RAT’S ARSE!”

“Right.”

“So you only actually hand over the arse of a rat when you really, really care?”

“Erm. Yep.”

“Right.”

There was silence. Then…

“Can you imagine if you cut the arse off…or out, and then wrapped it up in a little California roll for someone to eat?”

“Stop now. No more rat. You’re grossing me out.”

“Rat’s arse, rat’s arse…”

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Note: I have real trouble with apostrophes…you might have noticed. But I assume that the arse in question belongs to the rat and thus “rat’s arse” has to have one… but I’m only guessing.