Do it yourself. Or things will inevitably degenerate into a big fat mess. Last weekend I cleaned Boat from top to bottom and took lots of before and after photos for poor M, who is alone and pining a thousand kilometres away. Since then I have not seen my camera – and as I’ve looked everywhere else, I assume it’s somewhere at the boatyard. My sister lives near where Boat is kept, and to save me a big, public-transport-on-a-Sunday crosstown trip, said she would go and see if she could find it on her way home last night.
I wrote down instructions on how to get access with the new swipe-card system. I gave her the swipe-card. I said there would be a brick there to hold the gate open while she went in and had a poke around, and to close the gate when she left. There was no brick. Thus she either let the gate shut behind her while she went inside to find a brick, or pushed the gate to open it instead of pulled – either way, all eleven motion sensor alarms went off.
The poor man who is in charge of security was at an engagement party and had to check that a boat wasn’t being stolen. He called me last night and actually left a very civil message, asking me to please call him back so we could discuss the swipe-card process. So I called him this morning, explained that I’d lent my sister the card, that I was very sorry…and he took me through how to get in and get out. It turned into quite a long conversation. During which, my sister (who now sits opposite me) was making remarks like;
“Tell him to just get the padlock system put back on.”
“He should just get rid of the swipe cards…”
Yada yada yada.
I was having trouble concentrating with her rabbiting on in the background, and was compelled to throw a pen lid at her head. When I’d finally got off the phone I said that I didn’t appreciate her narrating over the top of my phone call.
She retorted that she didn’t appreciated being ‘hit in the face’ with the lid of a pen, and that anyway, she’d done me a favour by going to look at the boat.
Now we sit here, sullen and annoyed. Me thinking she’s a pain in the arse who can’t keep her mouth shut, and her thinking that I have violent, intolerant anti-social tendencies, coupled with an extreme lack of gratitude.
I want to go home now please.