Meeting with the Enemy

Two separate people both recommended this particular real estate agent to us, so he is going to come and visit this afternoon. M and I have agreed on a list of questions we are going to ask him, including such gems as; ‘do you get kickbacks from advertising, and if so, can we have them?‘ and; ‘if we sell the house via one of the ads or leaflets that we have organised and paid for, do we still have to pay you?‘ and; ‘if we sign up with you, can we do so for only 30 days?‘. I believe that these questions will be answered with ‘no’, ‘yes’ and ‘no’. But we shall see.

We had a couple look through the house yesterday – they called and asked if they could come over in the next half hour.
“That’s fine!,” I chirped, “I’ll just clean up a bit before you turn up.”
Cue me: red faced running around the house with seven arms; one cleaning the shower, one hiding the mosquito net, one sweeping the back room, one beating me across the head for choosing that morning to defrost the fridge (i.e. flood the kitchen), one wiping dust from the floor with a chammy, one stuffing everything and its brother under the far side of the bed and one hiding books entitled Don’t Sign Anything and Trust Me, I’m a Real Estate Agent.

M strolled in admist all of this action holding a six pack of beer, and a beatific expression which meant (I have since learnt) that he’d bought a ride-on mower. I didn’t glance twice at the beer and instead began shrieking Clean, CLEAN. The couple turned up a few minutes later – they were young, which was new. They seemed to get scareder and scareder as M and I did the tour and the spiel, culminating in them doing a quick exit to their car about ten minutes later. So quick, in fact, that he left his pair of Nike Airs on the front porch, where they are still.

I could now go on to bemoan the time of day that they arrived, and how bad the mozzies were, and how I saw three on her arm and one on her back all at the same time, but I will bide my time and put together a special page, detailing the whole hellish selling experience.
Thank you. Goodnight.


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Attack of the Alien Pumpkins


  1. Just remember the golden rule for trusting real estate agents – look them and up and down, work out how much they weigh and hence how far you can throw them – this is how far you can trust them. Include weight of BMW custom keyring, designer shoes and platinum money clip in any calculations.

  2. b:p

    Ohhhhh – the cynicism.
    I love it. You speaketh truly. I will also include the weight of any obvious hair product.

  3. It’s not cynicism – it’s the scars of long experience. Been through this three times now. Never, ever, ever again. Next time I am so bombing a Real Estate Institute function.

  4. Do I have to be a member to post to this blog?

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