Slow Learner

It’s the third time in about a month that I have moved from beer to red wine (and last night, back to beer). Maybe I’m not learning because I’m destroying the specific brain cells that deal with retaining important information? Whatever the case, I lay away last night cursing the full moon, the incessant roosters and the noise of a hovering UFO. Finally could not cope with not knowing whether we were all going to be beamed up at any moment and poked M.
“Wake up, wake up.”
“Huh? Wassamattah?”
“Can you hear the UFO noise?”
“That low constant humming UFO noise. Can you hear it?”
M grunts. “It’s the fridge.”
I protest. “No, no. It’s coming from outside the house. It’s everywhere. It’s All Around Us. Can you hear it?”
M is beaten. He gets out of bed. He puts on pants (which instantly reminds me that we have house guests and they may be beamed up also – something that their respective wives and mother would have trouble forgiving). I hear him pad out toward the fridge and turn it off at the wall. The UFO noise persists. Now he’s interested. I hear him go out the back door and for a while everything is quiet, apart from the UFO.
Great. M is going to get anally probed by aliens and they’re going to send back a clone in his place. I hope that it can cook as well as he can. I hear the back door close. M comes back to bed. At least, I think it’s M – he’s colder than when he got up – but that’s to be expected. He’s not tinted green.
“What happened?” I squeak.
“I wish you hadn’t told me about it. I couldn’t hear it ’til you told me about it. And now, in the immortal words of Ms. Kylie Minogue, I just can’t get it out of my head.” [OK, so he didn’t really make that pop-culture reference – but he did unintentionally say the song title. I have poetic license.] I sigh. “Well is there a big fat silver disc hovering over our house, or did you find something else that’s making the noise?”
M is drowsy. “I don’t think it’s a UFO – I think it’s a trawler or something.”
A rooster does it’s thing. It’s about 2am. My head hurts.


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  1. look for a lump at the back of the neck. that always gives pod people away.

  2. look for a lump at the back of the neck. that always gives pod people away.

  3. Good Morning *she chirps brightly* !!!

    Just wanted to let you know how funny your fear of alien abduction blog is…..I’m going thru my blog links and yours is the first one that — finally! gave me something to chuckle about.

    May the force be with you!

  4. I need all the force I can get!! Thank you!

  5. Ren

    *LOL* Too funny.

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