B: I have a terrible craving for steak
M: (muses) Mmm, we don’t eat much protein…what about some sausages for lunch?
B: (gags) I think they have more dog than protein.
M: Chops?
B: (baaing) Leeee-sah, I thought you laaahved me….
M: Well, you did eat eggs last night – they have protein.
B: But I read that you need to eat stuff that either swims, runs or flies…(ponders) a recently submerged flying kanagroo would seem to be the best option.
M: (humours her with some lacklustre laughter)
B: OK then. How about some beer.
M: …and bread?
B: Done.

The Simpsons: – Lisa the Vegetarian

The family begins to chew. Lisa sees a vision of the baby lamb appear
before her, missing the lamb chops on her plate.

Lamb: [In a baaa-ful voice…] Please Lisa, I thought you loved me, loved me.
Marge: What’s wrong, Lisa? Didn’t you get enough lamb chops? [Places more on her plate.] Lisa: I can’t eat this. I can’t eat a poor little lamb. [Pushes her plate away.] Homer: Lisa, get a hold of yourself. This is lamb, not _a_ lamb.
Lisa: What’s the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me?
Bart: This one spent two hours in the broiler. [Takes a big chomp.] Marge: Bart! Sensible bites! All right, Lisa, if you don’t want lamb chops, there are lots of other things I can make. Chicken breast. Rump roast. Hot dogs.

Each forms an image in Lisa’s mind. The corresponding part falls off
onto a plate.

Lisa: No I can’t! I can’t eat any of them!
Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you’re *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.


Love is in the Air


Truly Indebted


  1. David

    do you have an email address?

  2. That Simpson’s script leaves out the funniest part of the scene (and episode):

    “Each forms an image in Lisa’s mind. The corresponding part falls off
    onto a plate.”

    For hot dogs, it shows the meat being lifted from a squirrel, shoe, and pigeon.

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