m i a o w

–YOU KNOW YOU KNEAD IT–

Lunchtime

B: I have a terrible craving for steak
M: (muses) Mmm, we don’t eat much protein…what about some sausages for lunch?
B: (gags) I think they have more dog than protein.
M: Chops?
B: (baaing) Leeee-sah, I thought you laaahved me….
M: Well, you did eat eggs last night – they have protein.
B: But I read that you need to eat stuff that either swims, runs or flies…(ponders) a recently submerged flying kanagroo would seem to be the best option.
M: (humours her with some lacklustre laughter)
B: OK then. How about some beer.
M: …and bread?
B: Done.

The Simpsons: – Lisa the Vegetarian

The family begins to chew. Lisa sees a vision of the baby lamb appear
before her, missing the lamb chops on her plate.

Lamb: [In a baaa-ful voice…] Please Lisa, I thought you loved me, loved me.
Marge: What’s wrong, Lisa? Didn’t you get enough lamb chops? [Places more on her plate.] Lisa: I can’t eat this. I can’t eat a poor little lamb. [Pushes her plate away.] Homer: Lisa, get a hold of yourself. This is lamb, not _a_ lamb.
Lisa: What’s the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me?
Bart: This one spent two hours in the broiler. [Takes a big chomp.] Marge: Bart! Sensible bites! All right, Lisa, if you don’t want lamb chops, there are lots of other things I can make. Chicken breast. Rump roast. Hot dogs.

Each forms an image in Lisa’s mind. The corresponding part falls off
onto a plate.

Lisa: No I can’t! I can’t eat any of them!
Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you’re *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

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2 Comments

  1. David

    do you have an email address?

  2. That Simpson’s script leaves out the funniest part of the scene (and episode):

    “Each forms an image in Lisa’s mind. The corresponding part falls off
    onto a plate.”

    For hot dogs, it shows the meat being lifted from a squirrel, shoe, and pigeon.

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