[m i a o w] the cat

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
The Baffling Bi-Ped Called Beth

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
It would feature;
Death to the MF - for the angsty bits
Carolyn’s Fingers - for the blissful bits
Peter Gunn Theme - for the suspenseful bits
Elevator music - for the boring office-work bits
Random Piano music - for the writing bits
Live Bidston Moss - for the gigging bits

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
It would be live-action and animated, because I’d be in all the live-action bits and then when I got tired I’d get Dylan to animate me.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
Hum. I think that I would be played (if I didn’t play myself) by Parker Posey, Rose Byrne, or…hmmm, Helena Bonham Carter (purely for her hair quality). M would be played by Clive Owen (hee hee), Susan Sarandon would play my mother and Sean Connery could…oh…no he couldn’t. Having a lust object for a father is just too weird. I was going to make my dad played by Ian (newsreader for ABC-TV in Melbourne, but he’s a bit too tasteful also). I think my sister would be played by Meryl Streep and my brother…hum…Jude Law (as he doesn’t really do it for me). I would also have Viggo Mortensen play a family friend.

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
Snappy. Fast edits. Hooky guitar riffs. Me looking dazzling in a variety of exciting locations…then some dramatic moments of anger and sorrow…followed by me drinking a Coopers Sparkling Ale driving the Humber into the sunset…