Hoist the Eyelids

    Ohhhh. Gym has played havoc with my waking life. Have been there just after six two mornings in buy dis dog vitamin
    a row – still haven’t done any exercise, mind you, just had myself measured (shoulders, calves, thighs, hips, biceps, height, fat – feel like I’m going to be carved up for a Sunday roast) – this was all done by a guy who looked like the robot guy from Alien that gets ripped in half on the landing bay, but at the same time managed to remind me inescapably of the guy from Will & Grace. I think it was when he confided in me that he was the Ballroom Dancing Champion of Australia circa 1974…or was it when he described the physique of the guy who would be taking me through my program the first time?
    He sighed wistfully, ‘I caught him in his little shorts practicing his body building poses – but… he’s engaged…’ Another sigh.

    Car still being tended to by the mechanics I previously thought were godly, but now never want to see again (if only that guy wasn’t so goddamn nice, it would all be different). Bought a little indoor plant at Jumbunna Market on the weekend and planted it in the ceramic pot of my dearly departed pink flower plant that He killed whilst I was house-sitting. I brought it into work today. I think shall call it Vert. After all, with a name like that, it's purpose in life should be clear. Remain vertical and green.

    Oh, one more thing. My family’s birthdays are over!!! HOORAY!! I’m serious. They’ve sucked me dry! Brother: 27/12 Sister: 16/1 Mum: 01/02 Dad: 02/02 My parents are so thoughtless – firstly for meeting each other and having birthdays so close together, and then…marching on indifferently and having two kids whose birthdays are three weeks apart. *Yawn*
    Of course, marching down upon me is a wedding present, an engagement present, and four birthday presents. I feel quite faint. Now I feel fainter – just got a text from my brother in London who is going to RALPH FIENNES house for a party; he’s been invited by the luscious Mr Fiennes apparently equally luscious step daughter. Great. I get to live vicariously through the experiences of a family member eight years younger than myself. [eyeroll]

    Today I’m going to drink coffee. First one of the year. Don’t actually like it much, I prefer the smell, but I’m totally about to fall asleep and electrocute myself via the river of drool that will run from my mouth to the keyboard.
    Strong latte please.


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